Left behind

I really must have stopped progressing in terms of maturity somewhere around 7th grade.
I wonder why it stopped there.
I guess I should be happy, I continued maturing until I realized pretending I had Parkinson's disease in church was not appropriate... I should be thankful for that anyways.

last night I was comparing myself to other "women" around town.
Would Michael's teacher ball up her chewed gum and lay it on the nightstand to throw away later rather than getting up immediately... do teacher's chew gum?? Or does the standard no hats, no gum rule apply at home too?

Does the neighbor lady sometimes substitute her child's socks for her own if laundry is low and she is in a pinch. *Maybe that is more lazy than immature.* ** Do other 32 year old women refer to other women in their age range as ladies??**

I wanted a somewhat pricey frame the other day for a picture I took of Michael that turned out really well., we are trying to stick to a budget and we are nearing the end of a pay period.
Greg suggested I wait until next check so we could budget it in.
The conversation got a little heated *by heated I mean I was irritated and complaining and he was being patronizing " fine do whatever, who needs a budget."
I know he was right
but Instead of agreeing I stuck my tongue out at him... Not even in a cutesy I am annoyed, but not really mad way...it was a 3 year old in the middle of a meltdown way...
All of these examples are leading up to the immaturity I am most ashamed of

I have never been a confrontational person to people I don't know. Anyone can walk all over me,My response is to giggle, avoid eye contact, and be submissive.
This by the way is not my authentic self. In the comfort of my own home with family, I can be a bit more abrasive and unyielding.

I have years,and years of pent up frustration built up from being accessively meek... I now have an outlet and a forum.

The bus stop.

There is a kid at the bus stop who was at our house alot this summer,Doing crafts, playing games, getting treats, toward the end of summer she was calling and asking if she could come over to our house to play with me *I put alot of effort into making our house fun to help Michael make some friends* I think all it did was put me in the neighborhood kids social circle.
She is a year older than Michael and now during the school year she tells him repeatedly he can't play, leave her alone, your too little etc.etc
She does this at the bus stop too.

Because she is six she does not realize the big picture and how her behaviors could influence mine...

for the past few weeks I have been holding a grudge against a six year old.

When we get to the bus stop I first assess the situation...if she is being nice to Michael or even indifferent things are fine.
if she is rude or unkind to Michael, I carry out my strategy.
I am really interactive and over the top nice to all of the other kids at the stop.
Asking about their Halloween costumes, gushing over how clever they all are, what they did that weekend, how cool and nice Michael thinks they are** even if he really hasn't mentioned how cool or nice anyone in particular is** young kid's really like adult interest,approval, and interaction .
When the above mentioned child enthusiastically responds to my questions,I pretend she is not there...I avoid eye contact, become even more animated in my delight over the other kid's 5 minute description of her bumble bee costume and generally pretend I can't hear her.
she seems confused
I get some childish satisfaction that I am giddy over and I can't wait to call Greg about * he always seems to disapprove ??*

Today Michael got all excited to see this girl again as she ran outside to the bus stop.
**Michael is unwavering in his attempts to win her back**
He yelled "Hi! Do you want to be first in line." **giving up first position in line is a big deal to a kindergartner**
she replied "don't talk to me Michael"
"Game on"
I said to myself.
" Michael don't talk to her honey, she hurts your feelings everyday, wait till Anna gets here she is always so sweet and so nice and loves to stand by you at the bus stop."
she frowned
SCORE!!
I went on
Anna is so nice! She sure has some manners...I am so glad you have a friend like her at the bus stop... isn't she the best..it is so much more fun to be nice and kind than to be someone with bad manners, who hurts people's feelings.
no one likes people who hurt other kids feelings...yuck I sure don't. There is ANNA!! HI Anna!!! How are you today :) :) :)
of course none of this is being directed at the above mentioned child, I am still avoiding eye contact and pretending she is not there.
She went over to the curb and hung her head...

admittedly I feel a little bad about my revenge tactics...especially because she is 6 and I could be causing some emotional damage. But I can't help but like this feeling of somehow confronting adversary's and beating them secretly at their own game...too bad This tactic only works for the kids at the bus stop.

Michael's friends

My famous back shot

First day of school

First day of school

Michael started Kindergarten this year. Aside from me getting pulled over and questioned by the police that day it went well.

I should back track

The bus was late. Really,really late. And I was having trouble with the concept of loading my child onto a vehicle I was not going to be on in the first place, so when it was 20 minutes late I really was wavering.
I was afraid this unforeseen change would set off a whole chain of events that would compromise the safety and security of his first day of school.
The plan was the teacher would be waiting outside for the bussers with a green balloon. That is how they would know which teacher to look for. What if she was not there,because of the late pick up. What if Michael was left to roam the school school grounds aimlessly,get lost, and have to ration his yogurt, kashi cereal, and applesauce lunch for days * his selective eating and lunch choice is another post all together* roaming the rural farms and praries of Rogers until I found him again. The idea of it was way to overwhelming and I hopped in my car and raced *remember the racing part it is an intrical part of the story* to the school to make sure he would arrive safe and sound and the teacher would be there to take him to class.
because of my concern the idea of how fast I was going never even occurred to me.
Not until I passed a police car about a mile from the school. I was holding it all together pretty well up until this point *with the exception of the speeding and nausea* but when his lights started flashing I lost it. He pulled me over and before he even got all the way to the car I was sobbing and rambling about a late bus, my five year old kindergartner, and all the dangerous possibilities of him arriving twenty minutes late for school.
His response was, "is he in the car with you?"
I must not have been making much sense...
I think the hysterical sobbing either scared him or evoked some kind of compassion because he let me go telling me to stop crying and remember to slow down... When I got to the school the teacher was in the front just as she said waiting for the late bus to arrive. Because of my frenzied state I must not have been aware of this and went bounding out of my car *did I mention i was not planning on leaving the house and was in too tight work out pants, clogs, and a t-shirt from like 30 pounds ago... my hair was greasy and I had a tear streaked puffy eyed face. "the bus was late, Michael's coming.... I got stopped by the police, I didn't know if you were aware... to which his teacher replied "yes, we know" As I surveyed my surrounding I was aware that yes, everyone knew,everyone was aware, and my running around the school yard in stetchies and cloggs was not necessary. As I went back to my car, I noticed the police officer that pulled me over talking with the principal... We made eye contact, I waived, and he started walking to his squad car, and then to me. I mentioned to him that I was happy he could see my story matched up, and he said, "well, I thought about it and I do think I am going to make the decision to give you a ticket." I looked down and he was holding a honorary police badge for Michael, and told me to tell Michael he could help him out and make sure his mom stuck to the speed limit from now on... He went on to be all compassionate, and nice, which made me cry all over again... I honestly can not understand how he could be so nice because of the outfit I was wearing. Retelling this story,without the visual of what I looked like You cannot fully appreciate how embarrassing this whole ordeal was... Other that having a heavy head from crying so hard, no other major mishaps regarding school have happened since...I did wear sweat pants to the bus stop today but I don't think anyone saw...

Michael's curiousity's are getting more sofisticated...and a bit more blogable...

Michael's new obsession is star wars. He has been watching the movies, developing an unhealthy fascination with bobo fet and losing the 1/2 inch sword that came with his new Darth Vader guy about 25 times a day. I need to be on sword alert at all times because if it gets lost, all other tasks go out the window until it is found.
Sometimes his obsessions intersect and really funny questions and play scenario's result.
Like at breakfast today,
He wanted to know where star wars is located. I never familiarized myself with the whole star wars franchise so I really had no answer for him. I just told him we would ask dad.
Answers like that really bother him, because the immediate need to know is so strong, so he asked again where star wars is.... "is it in Vermont?"
most mom's would see this as there opportunity to end the questioning saying "Maybe or I guess?"
I must be a pretty good mom because although it is funny, and cute to think the Pod racing and cantina night life are happening in Vermont,I feel it necessary to set him straight... luckily he was satisfied with the answer In a galaxy far,far, away...