my smooth talking kindergartner...

I had a disturbing, situation that I was able to find some uncomfortable cringe worthy humor in... so even though I have been dead to the blogging world I could not deny the fact that this was perfect blog material and another easy way to attempt to get back into my favorite hobby again.

Michael has matured and changed quite a bit from my last post.
Sometimes to my horror... he has a budding little friendship going with a older girl in the neighborhood which was sparked by their shared interest in playing the Wii and love for fruit by the foot...

I am a cynical, suspicious mother so When Gabby went up into Michael's room , to have a "private" conversation with him I hovered at the bottom of the stairs ashamed of myself for thinking anything other than table tennis or a mean game of thumb war was being planned.

I have to say, I am prideful in my gut feeling and my natural hovering nature,

To say I was unprepared for the fact my child realistically would even be involved in a conversation like this is a gross understatement...

basically all was Innocent for awhile, I heard Michael challenge her to a basketball table game he has,I heard her accept, then I hear...
"Michael what did you think of me the first time you saw me..."
Yep, I did not like the turn this conversation was taking,but I was way too interested in how my little five and a half year old who has no concept of the hidden meaning in that question was going to respond to break it up just yet.

Michael met Gabby in Sept. their interaction for months and months was basically limited to the five minutes they waited together for the bus. I remember the first time Michael referenced her he had not heard something she had said to him...he asked me "what did he say?" **Gabby is a bit of a tomboy and definitely has an androgynous look to her**
So much so it took a bit of convincing to get him to buy she was in fact a girl.

I really figured Michael would be so taken off guard with this line of questioning he would choose to irnore it...

instead, in his cute little, way too honest for my own good style of communication , he responded
"ahhhhhh, I thought you were a boy, but then I knew you were a girl,then I thought you were nice." *a line I really think has the potential to win over a heart or two at the bar*

to which she replied "yeah"

the response must have been a green light for her because then she went on to say.
"do you want to ask me out"
"you can ask me out now if you want to"
"cuz if you want to you can"

Michael said "what does ask me out mean"

I felt that was my que to call Gabby down at that point.

I explained that Michael was only five and that he is not old enough or does not understand the concept of going out. I told her he very much likes being her friend but that is all and to please not confuse him and ask him those questions again.

I really think I probably was a bit over dramatic about the whole ordeal but I feel strongly five is way to young to be exposed to the dirty world of boyfriends/girlfriend/do you like me/what did you think of me the first time you saw me type relationships.
She went back upstairs, hesitated,and said "michael when are you six" "wouldn't it be cool if you were older"
Michael said yeah, "do you want to play with my walkie talkies"
I loved that idea and facilitated a let's pretend we are Storm chasers to get our mind back into more appropriate activity's activity.

Things would be so much more comfortable for me if we could just forget about all this development and get back into focusing on Go-gurt, studying sight words, and oodles and oodles of mommy time... is that wrong...don't answer...

Homecoming queen of bus #7

The phrase "get into groups of two " between the ages of 12- 17 evoked an immediate physical reaction . Sweaty palms, a queasy stomach, a fat burning zone heart rate, all were reactions to the idea of having to sell myself to the other lower class kids in the room. I always seemed to have unfortunate luck. Every nerd always had their best friend nerd right along side them showcasing to all the other kids they at least had a fruitful and fufilling social life even if they were not going to the game on Friday or to a friends cabin for an kick ass party . Usually I would prepare myself and the first day of class I would scan the room for the loner...typically they seemed to have the same idea and we would fall into place all business like,very cold and calculated to do our project. It really sucked every one else being scolded for laughing and losing focus,while I had to pretend I understood and cared what was growing in the pee tree dish. *is that how you spell pee tree?*

anyhow, I have had to wait like twenty years but I am finaly the popular kid.

Kids group around me to talk at the bus stop. My social anxiety is non exsistant as long as the person I am speaking to is 10 years or younger. We talk about getting day stamps on brain age two for the nintendo DS. We talk about favorite scene's from the new Alvin and the chipmunks movie, We talk about how one kid's dog went outside to pee and it froze... Kids actually jump up and down and raise their hand so they can get a turn talking to me.

I would so be the cool table at lunch...

I think it really is an indication you need a social outlet when you get a big head for being the cool one at the bus stop when you are 32...

The civil rights momvment as reinacted by Barbie...

Before I had Michael I always felt when I had kids they would be girls.It just felt way more natural. Even though I, myself am not particularly girly. I really enjoy the idea of outfitting a girl in pink, buying special hair boonchy's , and proclaiming her a princess.
I also really felt my child playing talents were best suited for dolls and tea parties rather than Pokemon and video games but I adapted fine and it is really true what they say that you are happy,and could never imagine anything different once you have your child. I now know what a charmander is and can wipe the floor with Greg and Michael in Wii bowling .

But I do still like the idea of having a girl and getting to play barbies.
I used to love barbies. When I think back to playing with them it wasn't so much playing as it was changing her outfits and obsessively brushing her hair to not make it so foofy *sidenote*
Brushing barbies hair now is way more fun.Mattle seems to have put pomade in the new line of dolls making their hair way more manageable.

anyhow, I got to play barbies with Colie the other day.
She is much more motivational, and educational in her play.

While I was putting Barbie into a pair of cut off's and a pink tank,colie said
"did you know long ago some people had to ride in the back of the bus just because of the color of their skin."
Isin't that unfair...
Then a lady said she didn't want to and there was a man who helped change that.
Then for the next hour we liberated the barbie that Colie got from her Grandma when she went on vacation in Jamaica from the back of the bus.
By the end of our play session we had reinacted a big portion of the civil rights movement. Too bad she didn't have a Ken on hand because she also was telling me about Martin Luther King, his role in paving the way for equal rights and how sad that someone shot him for wanting to make a change.
Although I found it unspeakably inspiring,I felt really ashamed that when I was five my dolls were going shopping and being involved in fashion shows....

I think I just put Ads on my site

How funny that It took me like a year to figure out how to add photo's but I accidentally clicked one thing and now I have ads...

Look out for 2009...

I really don't understand the new push to get the word out that next year all analog t.v sets go digital.
The government is issuing coupons for members of the community who do not have cable, and have a t.v.set that has a outside antenna . Apparently once you get the converter box you can fire up the old set and watch some Donna Reed or My three son's unaffected .

I don't want to appear cynical but I would imagine these individuals who qualify for the $40 dollar coupon t.v. adaption could also benefit from other Government issues coupons.
Why is the government so compassionate about this issue?
You may have a closet full of 8 tracks and VHS but this country will be dammed if you are forced to buy a t.v from this century.

I totally think I need to make the government aware that I would like to update my MP3 player to a more sophisticated Zune or Ipod.

I would also love to update my popcorn ceiling to a flat surfaced one **possibly painted **you are supposed to paint your ceilings now you know**

my cell phone is a little outdated too.

Critism for the competition... and awareness in myself..

Greg tells me from time to time about Postal business... their goals for the year, the new technology being used to get mail to everyone more efficiently, The competition and how they have taken business away, and how they plan to attack that... I don't think they have to worry if the new procedure of UPS is what I just saw our neighborhood UPS man do...

I don't get alot of packages shipped to me. Typically at Christmas, or if I want something that is not available at the store...but I do think I am aware that the procedure when getting a package from UPS is they come to your door. I know this because when someone comes to my door I dive to the floor and pretend I am not home.
I wonder if this is a typical reaction to a knock at the door?
I guess that is besides the point.
Anyhow, The UPS guy just pulled into the driveway of my neighbors home, and honked three times...
Since when do you have to meet the UPS guy at his truck? My favorite method is the ding dong ditch method where the guy rings the bell a few times and then after all is clear I can quickly peak my head out and grab the package before anyone sees that I was home, haven't brushed my hair and am wearing a t-shirt with oatmeal on it...
I bet that is not typical either...
I have gotten off topic again...

why didin't I think of that...

I think I have written before about my love of magazines. I think I like them for the same reasons I like 13 going on 30 or the movie Emma, they are not a challenge... it is basically my brain getting to lay on the couch and take a nice rest...

My favorite magazine is prevention. All the articles are little half page blips about the latest research you have already read, or a reminder of a basic nutrition rule... I love being reminded about what pytochemical is in blueberries and what the 12 best snacks under 100 calories are...

Sometimes tips given in articles get a little too elementary though.
I got a free magazine in the mail a few weeks ago called "your self"

I am convinced they are marketing to young alien women needing introductions to basic life skills on Earth.

**Recover from wintertime hair snafus with these **smart** tricks**
A woman from Independence ,Ky. writes "for quick touch ups on the go, I carry a comb and travel size bottle of hairspray in my handbag"

She also keeps a tube of lipstick in there in case she needs to touch up.

The magazine also focuses on home decorating and organization:
The magazines researchers found if you go through your house,and purge anything you don't use you can declutter...

Use a box for your remote

keep your mail from looking messy with a rack... these are actual tips from the magazine...

and lastly, for all of you looking to shed some pounds in the new year
Buy frozen vegetables...

Although I have a lazy brain, I am happy to report it needs to be challenged at least to the point of not assuming it is dead...

Maybe I am just becoming a seasoned magazine expert and have graduated to new, more scholarly material.

I am sending in my special introducory offer to O magazine today...

The twelve days of Christmas ** extended remix rated mature**

Michael's favorite song is the twelve days of Christmas.
He must ask me 20 times a day to sing a duet with him, Remind him of verse, or just listen to him perform .
As much as I think it is cute, funny *because he is my kid I am sure* I have to say the song has become .... a little tired.
I think Michael even recognized this because The other day before bed he asked me to help think of some additional verses to help freshen it up a bit.

He is quite the songwriter

The thirteenth day of Christmas was
13 raindrops raining
"that's creative" I thought
the 14th day of Christmas was flowers blooming...
I was impressed
24 days of Christmas later he must have started to have a bit of writers block...
I saw the little wheels churning along and finally a look of pride
24 killers killing....

That song took an unexpected turn.

Just a little friendly compettition...

I have never been a real competitive person... I just chalk it up to the pull to be lazy is greater than the need to feel I am better than someone else I guess.
I also feel the competitive edge is less satisfying than someone liking you, because you pose absolutely no threat to being better then them....

This characteristic has changed somewhat since I have become a mom...

The unconditional, overwhelming, love I feel for Michael sometimes presents itself in odd, ways,tweaking the person I see myself as being.

I went to school Wednesday
Michael's teacher often needs parents to come in and help assess the kids, prepare class materials, help children who need extra help on the skills they are learning....
Wednesday the parent liaison needed assistance with the Wednesday envelopes... A job which consisted of putting together five informational handouts and sliding them into the child's individual folder to go home to the parent.
She was shorthanded, so Michael's teacher recruited me.

When I got into the room I, along with about 4 other parent volunteers were given our mission...
To stuff each and every child kindergarten - sixth grade's envelope and get them to their designated classroom to be put into their backpacks. Being the flyers informed parents about the upcoming bread braid fundraiser, in addition to the muffin's with mom event next week I would say we were being trusted with a pretty hefty responsibility.... I know I didn't want to let anyone down...no mom was going to be without a muffin on my watch.
**sidenote*** if anyone wants to buy a bread braid you know where to come**

We were given very loose directions,and told to "set up the most effective way" with our goal being stuff the most envelopes in the least amount of time. She then asked us who our kids were...**tracking our success to our child **
One of the mom's then said "I run my own business so this shouldn't be a problem." Another mom started collecting the flyer's and setting them up assembly style in front of her...another one set up a station on the floor,thinking that would give her the edge.
This was beginning to feel like less than a friendly effort to get the envelopes stuffed and more like a competition to see which child had the most successful, organized, goal minded mother...

I started off really good, getting two kindergarten classes done in no time... every once in awhile
a mom would look at my pile,make eye contact with me,and then pick up the pace... I went to get more flyers to replenish my pile... one of the mom's who was lagging stuck her foot out and tripped me... she said "oh I'm sorry with a sinister smiled." all that did was strengthen my desire to defeat...
I had two more classes to go...one of the mom's asked like 30 times "Is anyone almost done with their pile **trying to track her place** no one answered...didn't want to break concentration... a few more minutes went by and one of the mom's jumped up and said to the parent liaison "DONE!!!" the parent liaison seemed impressed... the mom ate it up and in a condescending tone said can I help anyone with theirs...
I placed 3rd, but was asked to come in next Wednesday **a sign I pass as a volunteer mother**
The poor lady on the floor still had three classes to go after we all had finished.
she was turned in to child protective services and was banned from ever being a field trip mother... What a disgrace....



** Parts of this story may have been dramatized and exaggerated for entertainment value**

You have a perfect kid and then you let them ride the bus...

My innocent, sweet, little boy, is being polluted with bus riding , trash talking 1st-5th graders...

Michael seriously says booty 60-100 times a day... to him it is just as wildly entertaining,and funny the 100th time as it is the 1st... he swears he only reserves such language for home and the car but the temptation of saying it gets him in trouble several times at home so I would bet he has a harder time restraining at school than he let's on....

He used to memorize things like the pledge of allegiance, and his nighttime prayer
Now he focuses his energy into enriching songs like
skunk in the barn yard- pee-you
skunk in the barn yard- that's -you
if your interested there is a variation to that song
somebody farted pee-you
somebody farted
that's you

I find it interesting that when he comes home and I question him on what he was taught and his experiences for that school day
he usually replies
" I don't know"
"I don't remember"
or the ever popular
"can you just let me eat my grilled cheese"
yet, I get a play by play transcript of the potty mouth entertainer's comedy routine from the bus each and every day...

What a little booty

And the people's choice for the saddest substitute of a real show...the people's choice awards!

Wow,

The people's choice awards were really sad...
For the sad substitute of a show they produced as well as the fact Drew Barrymore won for her performance in music and lyric's.

what person's choice was that because I would like to dispute it...even Drew Barrymore said she was embarrassed to win the award in her taped acceptance speech...

I will be so sad if there is some press conference of an academy awards show this year...

These are a few of my favorite things...

Does Julie Andrews really like it when the dog bites or am I too dumb to realize the complex meaning of that lyric?

David Wain is the funniest person... absurd humor is my favorite... A few months ago I started watching Wainy days a webisode *is that the term?* that is updated every Monday. It's focus is David Wain looking for love ... Similar to wet,hot, American summer the episodes make me laugh out loud and beg my friends and family to join in the hilarity...unfortunately either my friends and family either are much busier than me or don't trust my recommendation because I have begged several people to watch and no one ever does why won't any of you watch them??

somebody go watch at mydamnchannel.com and start at episode one so I can tell you every little detail that I find so genius.... I think I just had a Oprah a-ha moment...

Random gaming insights...

Michael got a wii for Christmas... I am all for technological advancement and pushing onward but I find it depressing I have to have the reality of an accurate looking mii character So there is a short, fat, mole faced little character running around on the screen scoring strikes and knocking people out in boxing...

in other gaming news I have succumbed to the guitar hero craze *yes in my typical lagging pace*
I named my band the roosters in honor of my latest kitchen theme and rock out in front of the giant picture window allowing the whole world access to free shows... it really is the nerdiest thing right down to the star power mode where you have to violently lift the neck of your guitar in hopes to get an even higher score. I have caught myself on more than one occasion with guitar face *a new term I made up for guitar hero* looking a little too serious for my own good.
Greg is even funnier. Greg's typical disposition is very muted so too see him curling his lips, banging his head, and rocking hard core with slash is foreign to me to say the least. Sometimes when we are playing I seriously wonder how many other people in their 30's have just finished dishes, played a game of life with their children , sent them off to bed, and then followed with a jam session... Jennifer also has been doing it and our typical phone conversations of what are you eating right now, and I got a new rug for the hallway have been replaced with "did you unlock paint it black yet?" and did you have your stand off with that guy from rage against the machine?... Somehow, I just can't see women from the neighborhood, or Michael's teacher having conversation's like this....

Netflicks neglect...

I am surprised Netflicks has not sent an e-mail to me to check if I am o.k.
I actually think it is kind of callus of them. They have been been sending correspondence to me for like three years. Developing an idea of who I am though the movie choices I make and how I rate them., noting my favorite movies, tracking what I have interest in seeing on a que, Over the last two months I have found it impossible to put my movies in an envelope and send them off. I find it so inspiring that there are people who get huge projects done ,buildings built, stories written...yet for me the simple act of sending off my movies is just too much responsibility to tackle.
Anyhow, wouldn't you think the netflicks people would get worried about me. Like call to check in or something send me a note to ask if something happened to me or Mr Smith goes to Washington? Aren't they wondering what I thought of Lucky seven and if I would recommend it to a friend... Don't they want to motivate and remind me that superbad has been out forever and it's mine for the taking,or that movies that didn't even have a release date when I tracked them on my que are now being shipped out to be enjoyed....
I guess I know who has to make the effort in this relationship... Greg is going to have to find that envelope and get it in the mail...

finger envy...

I was just looking around on the internet...which usually consists of downloading a handwriting worksheet for Michael, looking at a few blogs...and then looking at the top sellers for the day on amazon.
Who are all of these people buying Josh Grobin's Christmas CD still?
Anyhow, there was a link to click that said "tell what your finger length says about you..."
I thought it was really ridiculous, then went on to be educated about how my short stubby fingers are a real obstacle in achieving success.

I also read a few days ago that your average person has a total of 25-30 moles... Great unless this poll was referring to only your face I am really a gross mole covered freak...

There is so much written in the media about the negativity of comparison when it comes to models vs. "real people" but I think the bigger concern are these anonymous polls.
Like I don't know stumps for fingers and excessive moles are not exactly wins as far as what I got from my gene pool. Now I have to have the added confidence killer that I won't have success because of it and that these moles are not "in the norm"
now I am going to be counting peoples moles and surveying their fingers because of this...

I love little Michael...

Michael is so cute...
He was looking around for batteries. He found a pack of two but he told me he was "looking for a four pack of quadruple A's. "

So many better options...

I have lived here in Otsego for 8 months now. I never noticed the name of our little market on the corner until now...
it is called
Hack's market

is it just me or would getting a heat lamp heated hot dog with nacho cheese on it be way less appealing at a market called Hack's...
They also sell honey mustard chicken breast on a bun...
That makes me want to Hack...
Oh I get it, maybe they are bitingly clever,and witty...

Michael rocks at bumper bowling!

Michael and Greg at eastman nature center

Michael was a doctor for the evening portion of halloween!

getting ready for the big party...

Michael had to be his favorite storybook character for the school halloween party

fantasy suites mom style...

It was Jennifer and Brandon's anniversary yesterday. It has been a year already and they still make me uncomfortable with their giggling and fawning over each other so congrats on that!

anyway, My mom called me and said she didn't have much money to spend on a gift for them right now.

My response although I hate admitting I am that kind of daughter was "hmmmm, what did you give me on my first anniversary?"
Not that this has anything to do with the story but I don't go to counseling and venting on the internet about the preferential treatment Jennifer has always gotten is somewhat therapeutic.

So , because she didn't want to spend a great deal of money she thought she would create a "mood" in their room while they were away at dinner *my mom was babysitting Colie* **another topic for my internet support**
She was going to string lights on their bedpost, crush rose petals on their bed, have soft music playing, and a bottle of wine and chocolate by their bedside table.

My mom got very sensitive when I told her I would barf if my mom set up a scene for sex in my room for my anniversary.
Although I thought the idea and the effort would have been really nice, the fact she is her mom pretty much would make the whole scenario a little more than uncomfortable.
Her pride was hurt a bit but she called me confirming that everyone she asked at work that night also felt that a sex staging would really be not appropriate...
My mom is so cute...she didn't understand why.
Maybe she was not intending they would utilize the room for anything more than G rated activity...Brandon would roll around on the rose petals, Jennifer would scarf down the Hershey's bar and call it a night... Now that I think about it that is totally a perfect evening...

Left behind

I really must have stopped progressing in terms of maturity somewhere around 7th grade.
I wonder why it stopped there.
I guess I should be happy, I continued maturing until I realized pretending I had Parkinson's disease in church was not appropriate... I should be thankful for that anyways.

last night I was comparing myself to other "women" around town.
Would Michael's teacher ball up her chewed gum and lay it on the nightstand to throw away later rather than getting up immediately... do teacher's chew gum?? Or does the standard no hats, no gum rule apply at home too?

Does the neighbor lady sometimes substitute her child's socks for her own if laundry is low and she is in a pinch. *Maybe that is more lazy than immature.* ** Do other 32 year old women refer to other women in their age range as ladies??**

I wanted a somewhat pricey frame the other day for a picture I took of Michael that turned out really well., we are trying to stick to a budget and we are nearing the end of a pay period.
Greg suggested I wait until next check so we could budget it in.
The conversation got a little heated *by heated I mean I was irritated and complaining and he was being patronizing " fine do whatever, who needs a budget."
I know he was right
but Instead of agreeing I stuck my tongue out at him... Not even in a cutesy I am annoyed, but not really mad way...it was a 3 year old in the middle of a meltdown way...
All of these examples are leading up to the immaturity I am most ashamed of

I have never been a confrontational person to people I don't know. Anyone can walk all over me,My response is to giggle, avoid eye contact, and be submissive.
This by the way is not my authentic self. In the comfort of my own home with family, I can be a bit more abrasive and unyielding.

I have years,and years of pent up frustration built up from being accessively meek... I now have an outlet and a forum.

The bus stop.

There is a kid at the bus stop who was at our house alot this summer,Doing crafts, playing games, getting treats, toward the end of summer she was calling and asking if she could come over to our house to play with me *I put alot of effort into making our house fun to help Michael make some friends* I think all it did was put me in the neighborhood kids social circle.
She is a year older than Michael and now during the school year she tells him repeatedly he can't play, leave her alone, your too little etc.etc
She does this at the bus stop too.

Because she is six she does not realize the big picture and how her behaviors could influence mine...

for the past few weeks I have been holding a grudge against a six year old.

When we get to the bus stop I first assess the situation...if she is being nice to Michael or even indifferent things are fine.
if she is rude or unkind to Michael, I carry out my strategy.
I am really interactive and over the top nice to all of the other kids at the stop.
Asking about their Halloween costumes, gushing over how clever they all are, what they did that weekend, how cool and nice Michael thinks they are** even if he really hasn't mentioned how cool or nice anyone in particular is** young kid's really like adult interest,approval, and interaction .
When the above mentioned child enthusiastically responds to my questions,I pretend she is not there...I avoid eye contact, become even more animated in my delight over the other kid's 5 minute description of her bumble bee costume and generally pretend I can't hear her.
she seems confused
I get some childish satisfaction that I am giddy over and I can't wait to call Greg about * he always seems to disapprove ??*

Today Michael got all excited to see this girl again as she ran outside to the bus stop.
**Michael is unwavering in his attempts to win her back**
He yelled "Hi! Do you want to be first in line." **giving up first position in line is a big deal to a kindergartner**
she replied "don't talk to me Michael"
"Game on"
I said to myself.
" Michael don't talk to her honey, she hurts your feelings everyday, wait till Anna gets here she is always so sweet and so nice and loves to stand by you at the bus stop."
she frowned
SCORE!!
I went on
Anna is so nice! She sure has some manners...I am so glad you have a friend like her at the bus stop... isn't she the best..it is so much more fun to be nice and kind than to be someone with bad manners, who hurts people's feelings.
no one likes people who hurt other kids feelings...yuck I sure don't. There is ANNA!! HI Anna!!! How are you today :) :) :)
of course none of this is being directed at the above mentioned child, I am still avoiding eye contact and pretending she is not there.
She went over to the curb and hung her head...

admittedly I feel a little bad about my revenge tactics...especially because she is 6 and I could be causing some emotional damage. But I can't help but like this feeling of somehow confronting adversary's and beating them secretly at their own game...too bad This tactic only works for the kids at the bus stop.

Michael's friends